you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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