Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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