I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
