Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
