So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
