There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
