I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
