Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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