I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
