she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
