How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
