my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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