Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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