I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Boobs are out for the taking
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
