I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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