I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
