There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I checked into jail on foursquare
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Found the puke drawer
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
