just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
