Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
