And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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