I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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