Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
