dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Randomize
