he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
