so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
We got so high we made milksteak
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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