We won't sleep together?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
