i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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