mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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