Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
