Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
