even my farts smell like vagina
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
