You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
