i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
