My balls are so social today.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Alive.
So much puke
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
