I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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