We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
