I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
