Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Be still, my beating vagina.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
