I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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