we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
