You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
