I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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