I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
