I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
