I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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