She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
