Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
