Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
