Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
