So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
how do flat chested girls get laid?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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