There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
