WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
