i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize